Deception
by Jaquelle
Summary: Its true Kaoru will never escape the killer inside.


**Deception **

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_Dear Diary,_

She coming I can feel her she crossing Japan making her way to me. Maybe I should tell them the truth before she comes but I know I need her support they will judge she will not and I need someone not judging me.  
  
I did not mean for all this to happen I did not count on it. Why am I lying I did not count on him. I knew when I came back home to put on a weak face, weak females people do not question it just seems it make sense. Naive people.  
  
Why I lied about my past is oblivious I believe. But my age you might question. I even question it why I did not give them my true age. But I do know why and if you think about it you would realize why.  
  
If he thought I was a child and if I convince myself I was one we would not fall in love. I was wrong 10 years difference did not matter at all. I know I cannot lose him in the end beside my sister he is all I have. They are all I have.  
  
She will be here in a day or two so I must send for Aoshi and Misio medially. The war is returning the past I keep hidden is returning my life will never be the same again. I will never be sweet or innocent again. When they find out when they find out, when he finds out.  
  
_Kaoru is a k__iller_

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_Dear Diary,_

She is here I past her in the street when we went out to dinner. Aoshi and Misio are with us they arrive about an hour before hand. Kenshin and everybody else didn't know they were coming and were worried when they learnt I had sent an urgent message to them.  
  
I simply said I had really, really missed Misio. They did not question it through they thought it was weird. The real reason is I do not think I'll have the courage to say my story, my past again.  
  
My sister, my twin and me have a way of communicating with our eyes and our hands. I told her to meet me at the Dojo in an hour. I saw in her eyes when she first saw me with him shock then angry but when she saw the way I looked at him she understood and I even think I saw relief.  
  
You see it is difficult for us to decide where our loyalty lay. But she knew wear ever his is our will be.  
  
You are probably thinking why people don't recognize us. We weren't called the Black Shadows for nothing you now. The only time when you found out who we were was right before your death.  
  
We used to say before our sword made the final blow. 'You are honored you were killed by the Black Shadows' some honor. I was the famous Black widow and my sister the famous Black Death.  
  
_We are nearly home. She is there waiting. Tonight the night no turning back tonight they will learn that sweet Kaoru Killed._

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_Dear Diary,_

I told them I did it. I told them. And they hate me. No they did not say they did but how could they not. We got home and Tae, Doc and Saltoi were there waiting. Of course they wanted to know what was going on why they were here.  
  
That when Kiana came out of the shadows and we told them the truth together, we told them I was really 24 years old that we were the Black shadows I Kaoru the Black widow and my sister Kiana the Black Death. Saltoi had said that there was no chance they would believe us.  
  
Kiana had got angry at that and said "if I kill you then will you believe?" I of course am being who I am. Wait that not a good way to put it. Well me being kind stepped between them and simply said the words that made them believe us.  
  
"_Why would we lie?"  
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That I hope you will agree with me said it all. I then started saying to Kenshin, Megumi, Sano, Yahiko, Tae, Doctor, Aoshi and Misio how sorry I was that I did not tell them. But I could not tell them the truth. I said I understood if they hated me and I was sorry then I told them me and Kiana would be inside and to come and talk to me when they were ready  
  
Saltoi then said what if we tell the police. I was too upset to answer so Kiana did. She told him 'we do not yet know were our loyalty lay and it would be best if they did not get on our bad side' we will only need you if there are war Saltoi answered.  
  
'Then' Kiana said 'I guess you will be needing us sooner that later'  
  
That is were we are now in the house waiting for them to come to us. Talk to us. Forgive give. The only thing that has changed besides my whole life is the fact I am now in uniform.  
  
Our uniform is a deep blue nearly black color with gold lining. It is a halter-top, long skirt with two very long silts on the side and small shorts underneath.  
  
_The door is opening they are all coming inside. Time to face the music now that they know Kaoru is a killer._

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_Dear Diary,_

The door is opening. They are coming. To tell me my fate, my future. They are staring at me 1 minute goes by 2 minutes, 3 minutes why are they still staring at me. I need to know if they hate me.  
  
"What?" I finally asked I couldn't take there staring any longer. They all mumbled something about what I am wearing. My uniform. Should have known it would attract attention.  
  
As interesting as my uniform is' I say 'could you please tell me if you hate me or not. I want, I need to know'.

"Kaoru," Kenshin says then stops for a second then tries again. "Kaoru you forgave my past so I can forgive yours I just wish that you had told me the truth to start with."

"Thank you Kenshin, thank you" I know that even if the rest hate me. I can live.

As long as I have him.  
  
My sister comes and goes. But I need someone to stay. I want the wanderer to stay.  
  
"So" I ask, "your not going to leave me Kenshin your going to stay with me" I ask him.

He looked shocked for a couple of seconds before he recovered and said "do not worry Kaoru I won't leave you" I smiled am happy at what me said but mostly because he left out the dono we must finally be getting somewhere stop that trail of thought Kaoru naughty girl.  
  
I must have been on that trail of thought for I while because someone was shaking me and yelling my name they reach out to shake me again but before they touch me I grab there hands and flip them over me. When I heard the crash I realize what I had done and quickly turn around. There lying on there back was Sano.  
  
I started laughing at the look on Sano face. Soon everyone joined in except for Sano. He did look really funny. "Sorry, you just startled me" I say to Sano

"I did forgive Jo Chan but I might just take it back"  
  
I was quiet for a second before I realize he was joking then I started laughing again this time Sano joined in. "Well girls, Shadows where do your loyalty lay" asked Saitou.

My sister and I turned serious again. "The war is returning and we all fight again" Kiana

"Our loyalties are wherever Kenshin are" I finish for my sister she nods in agreement.  
  
Aoshi then breaks in with "every body in this room I believe will fight with Battousi Saitou" everyone nods in agreement.

"I think it is time for everyone to leave," says Megumi everyone but Yahiko, Kenshin, Kiana and I nod and then leave.  
  
My sister I realize is up to something I can feel it. Time to find out. "Kaoru where will I sleep, I know I'll have your room you can share with Kenshin" before I have a chance to say no she runs out of the room she made up her mind I can tell and there no point even trying to change it I sigh in defeat then look at Kenshin he realize what that sigh meant. He looks worried.  
  
"Kenshin I'll go grab another futon I'll be in your room in a couple of minutes"

"Oro" was all Kenshin could say.  
  
_I love them all I really do but I hope they understand in the end Kaoru a killer._

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_Dear Diary,_

I cannot believe I am sleeping with Kenshin I mean sleeping in the same room. Not good, not good. I am going to kill my sister. But first I might kill Kenshin if he does not stop with the oro's it really killing me. I'm not that bad am I?  
  
Well as embarrassing as sleeping with Kenshin was, I mean sleeping in the same room as Kenshin it was good really good.  
  
'_ "Kenshin it embarrassing being in the same room together I know but if you do not quit with the oro I will kill you I mean it"_

_"Miss Kaoru..." _

_"Hold it Kenshin its Kaoru you were able to call me Kaoru before and your not stopping now got it" _

_"Got it Kaoru now as I was saying before well starting to say was it not that bad sleeping in the same room as you I must admit am embarrassed about it but now we can talk about everything together alone and just discuss the past"_

_"Kenshin I do not like talking of my past but because I lied to you for some time you deserve to know some of it I can not say all tonight but I can say a bit" '.  
  
' " My parents were proud killers no that does not sound right I know they never regretted killing people they did not go by the strong live and the weak die no but they knew and they taught us in the heat of the moment if by accident or simply want you happen to kill there is no point regretting it because it has happen and if you do regret it the regret will never stop and it will eat you alive what the point of taking someone life then stopping your own it would be dishonoring the dead" '.  
  
"You know what Kenshin I still believe by what they said so I know even through I am not killing if I do I will not regret it wished it never happen I would simply forget it happened stop remembering it and simply move on killing in no way is right but you can force yourself at times to forget that and if you do forget remember it was in and after the heat of the battle."  
  
_I am happy we talked last night he now knows why at 14 we were able to kill.  
  
_But they must not forget even now I am able to kill._

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_Dear Diary,_

Kiana and me just talked, discussed the last war with every body. We told them about the people I killed, the people we killed. It was one of the hardest days of my life.  
  
Back about 10 years ago when my sister and me were 14, 14! We were killers without mercy. The famous Black Widow was I, and Kiana the famous Black Death. Thinking about it I don't know if I should say famous or feared.  
  
Feared I assume would be more practical, the irony am talking about death as it was practical, practical means should happen as if it was the best thing that could happen.  
  
Am not ashamed of my past either is my sister I explained to you already about my childhood and what we were taught about killing about death (last chapter) no, I am not ashamed I cant find it in myself to be ashamed.  
  
But my sister and I pity each other. Pity for one self would be bad no other word than bad we do not agreed with self pity so we pity each other. That I must say works rather well.  
  
When we explained our past we left out as much detail as possible. That was still not enough the pain that covered their face was enough to make no cry I don't cry easily. Crying through does not help so I did not let them see my tears.  
  
At the end they asked us, me "why?" how could we have done such cruel unjust acts? My answer was carefully planned yet I snapped only for a second, but still I snapped and worse at Misao she was the first one to ask the question so she was the first one to get an answer.  
  
I looked at her and like I said before rage took over and I said in the voice I left only for my victims "how can you sit there and ask me why? When the person you love is a killer himself why don't you ask him to tell you his past all of it seeing he so brave ask him ask your Aoshi and see if he answer your question let alone answer it truthfully!"  
  
_I then turned and stalked out the door and only my sister followed me. My past now I think has finally caught up with me Kaoru the killer could not stay hidden for long._

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_Dear Diary,_

After storming out on the gang like that my sister came out to talk.  
  
She said "just because we are on there side doesn't mean we have to stay with them" I looked at her in shock leave everyone? Leave Kenshin? Before I had a chance to say no she continued "it's killing you Kaoru being with them but not truly being one of them. It's killing you that they don't know the real you and the fact there not ready to, they know the sweet, kind, generous Kaoru they have yet to met the killer she broke free in your rage before how long before she does it again and next time she might hurt someone?"  
  
I hated to admit it but she's right they know Kaoru not the Black widow Kiana told me to think about then left me to my thoughts. Am scared, really scared because am actually thinking about leaving I have to go talk to them.  
  
There they are the room I left them in I slowly slid open the door and step inside they look at me I see tears on Misao face and hope to god she doesn't want me to apologize I don't feel regret so there no chance of me feel sorry for making her cry.  
  
I'm getting more and more unlike myself well unlike haft myself and more and more like my other haft, the Black Widow side. Normally I would apologize but I know that I need to be strong there a war coming be tears hurt me there's no chance I will be able to kill anybody.  
  
I look at them really look at them and they look worried? Scared? About me I feel anger build up inside me I have my sister pity I do not need there's. But I know now is not the time to fight and I force myself to be calm.  
  
I speak "me and Kiana have just had a discussion and she seem to think it would be better if we left to train together and get used to each other company again I think it might be a good idea" everyone looks shocked and Saitou is about to say something I already know the question and I have my answer ready so I cut in front of him and say "no need to worry we have said we are on your side so we are."  
  
Misao looks ready to cry again, "Is this because of me and what I said?" I could say no and spare her the pain but Misao is weak and she needs to be stronger the best way to be stronger is to deal with your weakness and to overcome it the best way to do that is hit it head on Misao main weakness is will to always be kind so I need to shove that kindness back in her face.  
  
"Yes," I answer, "part of the reason we feel we should leave is because of your question, I'm going to train now" then I ran out.  
  
And just like before Kenshin didn't follow me.  
  
_I am a killer and they're finally starting to realize._

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_Dear Diary,_

_"Deception my life seems like its nothing but deception, a big charade, I never meant to lie to you I swear it, I never meant to play those games, sometimes I want to cry to you, I get near it but am scared our love will learn in vain, deception I pray that you'll forgive all this deception, this masquerade, deception its time to put an end to this deception but am afraid when the whole thing is at an end and that learn that it's just pretend you'll cry deception, deception, deception, deception, deception, deception, deception, deception..."_  
  
That song is like my story actually more like my present I can't remember where I learnt that song I must admit even for myself this is bad am sitting on my bedroom floor crying because didn't come after me, didn't want to come after me ha, and I said that I didn't do self pity. Footsteps someone coming but who.  
  
"Kenshin!" I blurt out smooth Kaoru smooth that look on his face it suddenly drawn on me he heard me singing. No more self pity for me. Kenshin comes into my room and sits down in front of me. I feel a long discussion coming on I can't help but think good.  
  
"That song Kaoru is that how you really feel that your life that you are nothing but deception' I nod 'Kaoru am sorry that I haven't been very supportive but this is such a shock I know it might seem like am acting like am disgusted with who you are what you are am not am saddened that you have to be like me I would wish no one the fate of being a killer and growing up to be taught to kill without remorse well I guess when you told me that the story of you having no remorse for killing those people I felt ashamed because as bad as it is to feel no remorse to always be able to kill and not feel a thing so you'll never truly stop I slightly want what you have well back when I was a man slayer because if I didn't feel remorse for all those people I killed I wouldn't hate myself now"  
  
I was shocked Kenshin envies me slightly. I reach over to Kenshin and pull him into a hug body against body we melt into each other like where made for each other I tighten my hold around his neck and whisper in his ear '"Kenshin I know this sounds weird but I envy you your courage to make a new start you can never truly escape your past but you can leave some of it behind but I can never really leave it behind I can run but it catches up with me always until I feel remorse I can never really stop being a killer"  
  
Kenshin grip around my waist tightens and he pulls back his head to look me in the eye where nose to nose body to body I can't help wishing we were lip to lip. Then as if he heard my wish to move his face slightly until we are lip to lip.  
  
My emotions are running wild I've wanted this for so long both me and Kenshin send our feelings into that kiss but the most strong ones at the moment are lust, desire, need. I push Kenshin backwards and he lands on his back with me on top of him our tongues now exploring each other mouths until the need to breath becomes too much and we surface but thank god we don't stop.  
  
Kenshin starts trailing kissing down my neck and I suck on his ear my hands find my way to his top and undo it his hands are doing the same to my kimono and it now a little lower than Yumi's was. Now he's trailing kisses past my neck and onto the top of my breasts the material of my kimono just hiding my erect nipple he pulls down the material so now my nipple are showing he moves his mouth further down and starts sucking on one of my erect nipples I moan and run my hand down his hair pulling out the band so his hairs falling on top of us nearly hiding us from view my hand runs down from his hair down his chest to stroke his erection his lips moan my name before me moves on to the other nipple I moan again when he sucks on it but this time louder and he stops and pulls away.  
  
"Miss Kaoru" he says, oh no he back to thinking he's unworthy.

"Kenshin." I start, but he stops me and apologizes for what happened I pull my kimono back on nothing mores going to happen tonight lean in and before he can do anything give him a sweet, short kiss back away again then I stand up and say to his sitting figure "don't apologize I wanted that as well" then I walked to the door open it and slip outside. And go for a short walk around the grounds I know he won't be there when I get back.  
  
I cross a clearing and hear singing I look and see Kiana then I hear the words she is singing.  
  
_'...Deception but am afraid when the whole thing is at an end and that you learn that it's just pretend you'll cry deception, deception, deception, deception, deception, deception, deception..'  
  
Its true Kaoru will never escape the killer inside._

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_Dear Diary,_

You know all these guys are going to die. Internal bleeding, I killed again.

In front of everyone.

We might as well go somewhere else. I didn't feel a thing when I killed him. No sorrow, no remorse but I guess I should be happy I didn't feel any joy. No matter whom it is no one should feel joy when killing. No one. Killing for me is not a favorite past time or a sport it's simply what I do, what I am, all I am.  
  
After we left the scene of the crime Kiana and I went back to the dojo to wait for the others to return, to await our fate.  
  
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"'Mother please don't make me kill anymore, I don't like doing it' _

_'Kaoru, what would you do if you didn't kill, you know that you'd no longer be part of this family could you leave your father, me and even more could you leave your sister' _

_'No, its just my life has been chosen for me I'll never escape who I am and in time I will learn your techniques and as I do I will lose my feelings then what kind of life will I have' _

_'Kaoru you choose what you hold on to, as much as you choose what you lose but always remember you choose'"  
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Famous last words mother.  
  
There home, there asking us why? Why did we kill them? Why not injure them, but let them live. Unanswerable questions. It's true what could we do, killings in our blood, see people getting hurt help them, our way. Once along time ago I asked the same question I got the same answer.  
  
_  
  
"Papa why did you kill these people"  
  
"Because Kaoru it's what we do, it's what we are, it's in our blood"  
  
"Papa is it in my blood?"  
  
"Yes my little Kaoru it's in your blood"  
  
"Forever?"  
  
"Forever and longer"  
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"You will never understand" I tell them.  
  
"Make us understand then"  
  
"It's not that you can't understand more that you don't want to"  
  
Kiana tells them gently; she's trying to be nice this is a tough subject for me. Sano at this time is it his wits end and snaps at Kiana.  
  
"Everything was fine until you came, everything was normal; this is your, Entire fault you didn't have to come and dig up the past"  
  
Kiana looks at Sano for a few minutes before she speaks  
  
"I admit that I am a killer but I also admit I am more proud than ashamed at the fact, _don't look at me like that"  
  
_She says to there looks of disgusts  
  
"Growing up was hard, harder than you imagine, it's true I most likely took the easy path, I didn't fight to become I better person, but other might say I did the right thing because in the end I couldn't fight my blood, I was weak I couldn't fight it"  
  
Kiana looks like she about to cry I've ever seen her like this before  
  
"But" she continues "I chose this way and looking back I know this was my only choice, and I like it"  
  
Everyone is silent thinking about her words then I speak.  
  
"Sano I am a killer, and I will be one for the rest of my life, whether I want to be or not"  
  
They look at me, us and are silent it's a lot to take in.

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_Dear Diary,_  
  
Kiana and I were sitting on the floor in my room and if anyone walked in they would be shocked, the two most ruthless killers of the war were discussing ... well boys, well girls will always be girls.  
  
"So what's with you and Battousi? Anything happened since last night?"  
  
"Kiana it hasn't even been 24 hours yet"  
  
"So he's hot and it's obvious he's in love with you but that unworthy thing he's got going on, well is annoying"  
  
"Kiana I don't know what to do I love Kenshin, but I can't just be there for him when he needs me, I can't just kiss him or have him kiss me when he's weak and can't help himself, I need him to want me because he just does"  
  
Kiana was silent, thinking of what I had just said, then; "Kaoru maybe he's just unsure, he might think if he makes a wrong move you'll never forgive him"  
  
"I hate myself for this but I could never hate Kenshin no matter what!" And with that statement I bursts into silent tears, and left a confused Kenshin at the door, hand still in mid air, in a way it looks like he's about to knock.

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_Dear Diary,_

"Kaoru" a voice whispered across the darkness and startled me before I had a chance to run, attack or scream the person walked into the light.  
  
"Kenshin, you scared me"  
  
"I heard you with Kiana before Kaoru, I overheard I didn't mean to ... am sorry"  
  
"You heard us?"  
  
"Yes and I want to say am sorry, sorry for hurting you, for pushing you away but I can't help not wanting for you to get hurt"  
  
"Kenshin?"  
  
"Kaoru I love you more than you can imagine, I just never told you because if one of my enemy found out that I loved you, well if you got hurt I'll never forgive myself"  
  
"Kenshin, I can look after myself"  
  
Kenshin grabbed a cherry blossom from the tree and put it in my hair smiling at me.  
  
Then he kissed me, and then he held me, in an embrace that said I'll never let you go, and I returned the embrace, returned the meaning and they fell asleep in love and surrounded by fireflies.  
  
Kiana watched us, tears sneaking their way down her cheek meaning she was happy or sad I do not know, but she smiled as she remembered a song mother used to sing to her and I. She softly, so not to disturb the sleeping couple, started singing it.  
  
_"There were flowers in my hair and the stars were in the sky  
  
There were flowers in my hair and a smile inside his eyes  
  
And we danced all through the night,  
  
And we held each other tight...  
  
There were flowers in my hair...  
  
(Ooh...)  
  
There were flowers in my hair  
  
(Ooh...)  
  
I remember it so well  
  
(Ooh...)  
  
There were flowers in my hair  
  
(Ooh...)  
  
And the music cast a spell  
  
And we danced all through the night  
  
And we held each other tight...  
  
There were flowers in my hair  
  
There were flowers in my hair  
  
There were flowers in my hair  
  
There were flowers in my hair...  
  
And he told me he loved me and the flowers in my hair...  
  
_She fell asleep watching us.

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_Dear diary,_

As I sit on the train, tears fall silently down by cheeks, she's dead it's all my fault, I should never of told her who I was, she's dead because of me, out of all the deaths related to me, this is the one I'll never, ever forgive myself for.  
  
It happened in such a blur, Kiana ran into the Dojo, I was alone everyone else was out, Kiana told me she had been killed, she had been shopping you see and heard rumors that someone had been killed, so she went to check it out, they weren't rumors...  
  
Why not just hurt someone else, some one I didn't know, and someone who death would not hurt me, I guess I answer my own question, because it would not hurt me.  
  
If you look at it from the people I have left behind point of view it's very understandable that they want me there, they want to say they don't blame me, that they forgive me, that they don't hate me.  
  
But look at it from by point of view, if I stayed, more of the people I cared for would be killed, and I couldn't let that happen.  
  
So I ran, or more we ran, me and Kiana were always together, we ran to a train, we ran to a train that would take us far away, truthfully I have no idea were we are going, I am still numb from shock, Kiana did mention through something about a cabin, faraway hidden in the woods for us to train until it was time for the war.  
  
The war, let it be blessed let it be cursed, my feelings on the war are none, we win they lose, what more is there to know, it's not by job to discuss what happens to the enemies who live, like I would have a say in the matter anyway.  
  
I want to tell myself that in a way it's good she's dead, and then she will not have to face the hardness, and the sadness of war, but what of the family she left behind, they would go through it all and they would have to do it without her, I hope they blame me, no one else will.  
  
Except me, I will always blame me.  
  
Why, I taken so many innocence lives must the one I will always regret, is the one I didn't do with my own hands.  
  
I guess the never feeling sorry for me rule has just gone out the window.  
  
I hope that she will forgive me, that even wherever she is, that in time she will forgive me.  
  
I hope that Tae will forgive me.  
  
I hope.  
  
Tae, she has always been there for me, a real matchmaker, I think maybe one of her life goals was for me and Kenshin to get together.  
  
In a way her wish was granted. I'm glad.  
  
I will fight this war for her, for her memory, and then I will say she was the one who saved the city, the one who saved Japan.  
  
Strange I taste salt on my lips, strange, I think as my tongue whips out to grab the salty water; the compartment must have a hole on the roof, and the rains coming in.  
  
I try to forget the fact it isn't raining.  
  
As the train stops and we exit, I promise myself.  
  
She will always be remembered.

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_Dear diary,_

Is life always worth living? I ask myself as I walk with Kiana along the barely seeable trail.  
  
I nearly bump into Kiana when she stops suddenly; I look up at her face and see her eyes darting round wildly.  
  
Then she speaks "someone is in the cabin"  
  
My eyes widen, not from fear, but from excitement, maybe a kill would be good for me, get my mind off...things.  
  
Kiana licks her lips.  
  
Slowly we walk towards the house, not caring if we are heard, no one ever gets away.  
  
Soon we reach the front of the house, slowly the door starts opening, and out walks a boy, this boy around our age a cute boy.  
  
Kiana speaks "who are you and why are you in my cabin"  
  
"Please forgive me, last night I came across this place, it was already starting to darken so I thought I would ask if I could stay for the night, the place through was deserted, deserted and unlocked, so I came in and decided I would stay and leave in the morning"  
  
"Touching" Kiana she acidly "and you are"  
  
"Forgive me again, I am Seta Soujirou" yummy  
  
"Tenken?" I say surprised  
  
He looks at me and answers "I do not go by that name anymore"  
  
"You're the Tenken" Kiana states clearly impressed, then she surprises me "Would you like to train and stay with us?"  
  
His eyebrows raise "train?"  
  
"Yes" I answer before Kiana does "for the upcoming war"  
  
"If you wish, then I will be happy to"  
  
And I smile, for the first time in hours.

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_Dear Diary, A few weeks later._

"Hey Seta" calls Kiana "I challenge you to a fight, a fight to see who cooks diner"  
  
"Hey" I say "I don't mind cooking diner"  
  
Weird they look scared at my statement, or maybe even horrified.  
  
"Um, you just relax Kaoru-dono, me and Kiana will make the dinner, together, we won't even have a sword fight, well just cook together"  
  
Kiana Nods, and then they run inside laughing  
  
I can't help feeling jealous, am a dono and Kiana just Kiana, maybe it because I miss Kenshin, well it is mostly because I miss Kenshin, but I know deep down I've got a small crush on Soujirou, I remember that night a couple days ago, when he saw me crying.

_I miss them all, but most of all Kenshin, footsteps someone behind me  
  
"Are you alright Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"Oh Soujirou, im fine"  
  
"No, you're not" He says, then he surprises me, he pulls me into a hug, and kissing my forehead, "remember Kaoru-dono me and Kiana will always be there for you"  
  
"Thank you Soujirou, thank you"  
_  
Kiana says I should write a letter telling everyone am okay, am not sure, I know I should, I know they will be worried but, but ... I don't have an excuse I just don't know what to write.  
  
But I have to write to them it's the least I could do.  
  
A letter for them a letter for Kenshin.  
  
Mmm, I wonder if I should mention Soujirou, no, I want them to forgive me, not think am crazy.  
  
Where to start, first the Kenshin-gumi, then Kenshin  
  
I dip my pen in ink, and get some paper, take a deep breath.  
  
And start.  
  
_ To my friends, _

_To the Kenshin-gumi,_  
  
_Forgiveness is not something I think I will get from you, and it's true I have no right to ask for it, I left you all alone to cope.  
  
You have no idea how contrite I feel, how ashamed I feel, But I did, and always will, blame myself for Tae death.  
  
It would not be unreasonable to ask for an explanation, But I will not give you one, Because before I give you one, I need to know myself, I need to understand it myself, My father once said;_

_"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part in it.  
That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies,  
That is why you must sing and dance,  
And write poems, and suffer, and understand,  
For all that is life" _

_My father was wise man, he was a great man, but you my friends, would say his only fault, was being a killer.  
  
That always going to be the fault you guys see in me, and Kiana,  
  
All I can tell you is we are safe, we are healthy, and Kiana happy, and at times, I am too.  
  
But I promise you one day I will return.  
  
All my love, Kaoru_

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_Dearest Kenshin,  
_  
_Yours is the hardest letter to write, it's where the most emotion lay, How should I start? beg for forgiveness, or get straight to the point,  
  
Get straight to the point, I love you. Ever since the first time I meet, well hit, you. Of course I didn't realize at first, then I did realize, then I accepted it.  
  
I always wanted to tell you the truth, tell you who I really was how much I wanted to tell you to take him to this fight, I can look after myself, I can help, but I didn't. Do you want to know why I didn't? Because I was scared, scared of so many things, scared that you'll hate me, that you'll push me away,  
  
I know now I was wrong,  
  
I have two quotes to tell you, one from my mother and the other from Kiana,  
  
I think my mother's first;_

_"You find as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have truly lived, are the moments you have done things in the spirit of love" _

_My Mother like my Father was wise, Kiana one; _

_"Time is too slow for those who wait,  
Too swift for those who fear,  
Too long for those who grieve,  
Too short for those who rejoice,  
But for those who love,  
Time is eternity" _

_My sister was the wisest.  
  
Till we meet again, my love ... till we meet again,  
  
Kaoru_

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Done, finally, I'll post them tomorrow.  
  
You know the future looker brighter already, I hear Kiana giggling and Soujirou laughing inside, someday, I'll be with Kenshin again.  
  
As I look back over everything, since I've meet Kenshin, meet all my friends, only one thought comes to my head,  
  
_'I guess I really caused some Deception' _And suddenly I laughed.

* * *

**PART 1: _Completed._**  
  
_Okay This one, the completed one, introduces people, and forms relationships, focuses on Kenshin and Kiana, and a bit on everybody else but Kaoru main character and it all from her point of view and I think the future books will be as well. But they will add more people. This book finishes off with Kaoru thinking one day she and Kenshin will be as happy as Soujirou and Kiana. Im making Soujirou there age, and he is different, I know that, now he's older, wanderer, Soujirou, any Soujirou good through._

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_-Jaquelle_

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